dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I am one with the molecules
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
