Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
