East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
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