I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize