Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
