Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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