mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Randomize
