No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
