I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
