we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
