I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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