I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
