Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
