It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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