TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
