Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
