I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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