People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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