the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
In other news, I just burned my penis
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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