Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
