Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
