I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize