at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
