If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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