i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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