I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize