Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
