She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
