I just cut my nipple shaving
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
