I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
