why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize