Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
