I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
