I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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