look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
