it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
