dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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