There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
