Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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