So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
