I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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