so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
