Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
