Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
