I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
