JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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