wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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