I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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