Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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