Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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