420 ftw
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
