That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
