I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
