What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
