That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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