Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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