I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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