before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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