You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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