the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
BRING THE BAGELS
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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