nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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