I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
