how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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