No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
