I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
