As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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