Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
