She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
