im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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