last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Fuck appropriateness.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
