then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There's always time for handjobs
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
