I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
