sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I need a burrito and a hug.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
