you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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