my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
