this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
