What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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