Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
