I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
