New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
