i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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