Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize