I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
