There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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