I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
only you would photoshop your dick
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
