the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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