This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
