Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
