just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize