I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize