My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
A+ Viking dick
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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