i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
