half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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