i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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