Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
