I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
