My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
