hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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