I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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