i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
