I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
