Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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