why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
