Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
