ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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