He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
