i think i have herpe
just one?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize