I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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