I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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