It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
