if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
