I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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