made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
